Akatsuki Poems of Weirdom
by Googala2
Summary: Just some Akatsuki poems meant for a giggle or two.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. First up, Deidara!

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**Deidara had a Pumpkin Shell**

_Deidara had a pumpkin shell,_

_with sides so smooth and round._

_Its hollow center echoed loud,_

_even the smallest sounds._

_It had an orange color,_

_that shined so bright and true._

_It always seemed so cheerful,_

_even when leaking goo._

_He grew it from a seedling,_

_and watered it each day._

_Until it sprouted a tiny leaf,_

_in the spring of early May._

_Only a few days after that,_

_it grew its very first vine._

_Then after a few more of those,_

_its glory matched the vines of wine._

_He was so glad and cheerful,_

_he'd often smile wide._

_Until the day he opened it,_

_and found what lay deep inside._

_First came the stubby finger,_

_and then the pure black hair._

_It crept out of the hole he'd made,_

_within its hollow lair._

_Next came the color green,_

_a scarf to be exact._

_Then the rest of the body,_

_suited in nothing but midnight black._

_The thing looked at Deidara,_

_and gave smile, coy._

_Then he opened his mouth and said,_

_"Tobi's a good boy."

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**Author's Note**

**So what'd you think? Was it good, bad, funny, boring? Should I put another poem up or just stop now while I'm ahead? Please review...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Second, Itachi!

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**When Itachi Loved Pickles**

_Itachi loved his pickles,_

_more than any other dared._

_He ate them with pleasure everyday,_

_without a single care._

_He crunched into them slowly,_

_and savored every bite._

_Then drank the sour juice,_

_and did so with delight._

_His fingers smelled of vinegar,_

_his hair in disarray._

_For all he ever did in life,_

_was eat pickles everyday._

_His mouth began to turn bright green,_

_from his teeth unto his tongue._

_His life was seeming out the door,_

_and then the door bell rang._

_There stood an elderly woman,_

_with hair so stiff and gray._

_She gave Itachi a smile and said,_

_"Hello sir, good day."_

_Itachi stared at the woman,_

_a pickle in one hand._

_Then the woman looked in her bag and asked,_

_"Want to try young man?"_

_Itachi gave her that death glare look,_

_but she was never swayed._

_She merely showed him a little thing,_

_so soft and delicately made._

_Itachi marveled at its roundness,_

_the smell of sweetly things._

_Their many colors and auroras,_

_all tied together with strings._

_Itachi dropped his pickle quickly,_

_and ordered fifteen to go._

_And then he popped one in his mouth,_

_and what happened, no one knows._

_It has often been told though,_

_that Itachi's pickle days ended._

_The day that woman knocked on his door,_

_and gave him something splendid._

_The day his life was turned around,_

_by something so completely new._

_Dangos,_

_Believe it, it's true.

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**Author's Note**

**Itachi and pickles. I must have been delirious when I made this one. Please review...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Third, is Kakuzu!

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**Kakuzu's Turtle**

_Kakuzu had a turtle,_

_her name was Little Boo._

_How Kakuzu loved that turtle,_

_though his love was very few._

_Everywhere he went and wandered,_

_Little Boo was at his side._

_Either crawling far behind him,_

_or carried within her sturdy hide._

_Kakuzu had had that turtle,_

_for only a year or three._

_But after one fateful day,_

_he learned it wasn't meant to be._

_He had been walking slowly,_

_down the road to the next town._

_When he catch the glimpse of a shadow,_

_from above coming down._

_He gave a quick glance up,_

_and felt his eyes widen._

_There it was, a bird of prey,_

_low on the horizon._

_Kakuzu turned to save his friend,_

_who was lagging far behind._

_But before he could get to her,_

_the sight wasn't so kind._

_He watched as the falcon took her,_

_far beyond the trees._

_Passed the rocky mountains,_

_and the lands of honey bees._

_And when the bird was gone,_

_Kakuzu looked down at his hands._

_He made himself a promise,_

_with few can understand._

_He fished into his pocket,_

_and produced a lone dollar bill._

_He stared down at it sadly,_

_but he gathered up his will._

_Then he claimed loud and clear,_

_"I will have a dollar for every bird I see._

_Because for every bill I have,_

_a bird won't have a tree."

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**Author's Note**

**Admittedly, this one was kinda sad and cruel of me. Please review...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Fourth up, Konan!

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**Konan Ate the World**

_Konan was always hungry,_

_from sun up to sun down._

_She'd always wanted more and more,_

_to this she was firmly bound._

_She'd give herself a serving,_

_and then a couple more._

_She eat plate after plate,_

_until the dishes reached the floor._

_And then she'd wanted another plate,_

_when there was no more to give._

_She was always chewing anything,_

_for that was how she lived._

_One day when she was lonely,_

_she felt the hunger then._

_Deep within her very bowls,_

_where the thought could comprehend._

_Within her heart she wanted,_

_to eat everything there was to eat._

_She ate the islands to the west,_

_and every field of wheat._

_She ate the many mountains,_

_and the canyons in the south._

_She ate and ate and ate,_

_anything that entered her mouth._

_She ate the left side of the world,_

_and then she ate the right._

_Soon she had eaten the whole thing,_

_and it made for quite a sight._

_But when she had eaten,_

_the world and all it had._

_She looked down at herself,_

_and felt so very bad._

_In her belly she heard a knocking,_

_so low and yet so high._

_And when she opened her mouth to see,_

_out crawled a little guy._

_He gave Konan a sadly look,_

_and then he tilt his head._

_Then came the sadly smile,_

_as he stopped and slowly said._

_"Miss Konan my Lovely,_

_I love you oh so very much._

_but now I have a problem,_

_you've eaten my house and such."_

_Konan looked down at the man,_

_a frown upon her lips._

_His hair was bright flaming orange,_

_and were pointed at the tips._

_And when she began to weep,_

_she really felt the guilt,_

_But through the haze of her tears,_

_the earth was finally spilt._

_Once again flowed the waters,_

_once again stood the trees._

_Once again blossomed the flowering fields,_

_bearing itself with many bees._

_And when she looked over the fields,_

_the man stood by her side._

_He gaze upon the land and smiled,_

_for his joy he could not hide._

_"Dear Konan." He said,_

_"The world had been born anew._

_During this time of bliss and peace,_

_my only love is you."

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**Author's Note**

**This one has the most talking so far, and a bit of romance. Wonder what I was thinking when I made this one? Please review...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Fifth contestant, TOBI!!!**

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**Tobi and the Egg**

Tobi found an egg,

hidden among the grass.

Its surface pearly white,

and its shell as smooth as glass.

He gazed upon it blankly,

and then he touched it lightly.

Its surface was so very cold,

despite shining so brightly.

Then he picked it up gently,

and he placed it in a tree.

He placed a few lost sticks,

where the eggs new nest would be.

Once all that was done,

he sat softly on top the egg.

His bottom on the tree branch,

with the egg beneath his legs.

He sat there through the summer,

and all that autumn too.

He braved the harshest winter,

even as the cold winds blow.

He sat there in the rain,

and never once did sway.

Even in the icy chilling dew,

of early spring's new day.

And then the time came,

when he saw Deidara coming.

He watched as the blonde,

walk towards him while lightly humming.

He waved at his sampai,

and said a loud greeting.

The blonde looked up at Tobi,

and the humming was very fleeting.

Deidara glared at Tobi,

and cursed under his breath.

Then Tobi smiled brightly,

but the egg he never left.

The blonde looked at the egg,

and let a frown cross his face.

He shook his head lightly,

and dwelled on the horrible waste.

He looked up at Tobi,

and this is what he said.

"Tobi, that's last years Easter egg,

the things already dead."

Slowly, very slowly,

Tobi rose off of the egg.

He looked down at it sadly,

and this is what he begged.

"Please little egg,

do not die on Tobi.

Tobi is a good boy,

and you are as good as Tobi."

And as Tobi said this,

the egg began to shake.

First there came a crack,

and then it began to quack.

Soon a little blue eye,

peeked out from the hole.

Then it looked into Tobi's,

whose was as black as coal.

There emerged a little head,

covered in long blonde hair.

Deidara's eyes widened,

but speak, he didn't dare.

Then the bomber fainted,

as he looked at the baby boy.

And though Deidara wasn't conscious,

Tobi only jumped for joy.

Deidara was a mommy,

because as one can plainly see.

That was Deidara's baby,

that he had hatched within the tree.

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**Author's Note**

**Deidara is a mommy!? I honestly wasn't expecting that, but I guess it just wormed its way in there somehow. LOL!!! Please review...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Sixth Akatsuki, Hidan!!!

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**Hidan's Immortal Kitten**

Hidan found a kitten,

whose fur was white and smooth.

Its eyes as black as night,

with a shine to never lose.

It followed him one day,

into the Akatsuki base.

Until Hidan stopped and looked,

and met the kitten face to face.

Its beautiful black eyes,

gazed into his own in wonder.

As for Hidan though,

he only thought plunder.

The kitten only mowed,

and stood up to Hidan's thigh.

As Hidan looked at the kitten,

he knew it had to die.

So he kicked the kitten hard,

and sent it away with all his might.

Then he walked to his dark lit room,

for it was almost night.

As he lay upon his bed,

he heard a little meow.

He bolted from the covers,

and thought 'what was it now?'

Slowly the door crept open,

and in strolled the kitten.

Hidan glared at the little thing,

and looked for his bat and only mitten.

He grabbed the kitten roughly,

and tossed it in the air.

The last thing to be seen,

was a blur of snowy hair.

Hidan smirked to himself,

and settled back down for bed.

As he lifted the covers though,

the sight he got was dread.

There under his covers,

lay the kitten with black eyes.

Staring up at him so cutely,

in a way he so despised.

He pulled out his bladed scythe,

and made short work of the little thing.

Then he flushed the body down the drain,

with a soft and steady ting.

He walked within the hallway,

back to his awaiting room.

Before he got there though,

he heard a quickly zoom.

He came to a sudden stop,

and turned his head around.

He looked into the pair of eyes,

attached to the creature on the ground.

It walked up to him slowly,

and sat before his feet.

Hidan stiffened very slightly,

when all around he heard a beat.

It came from the doorways,

it came from the vents.

It echoed through the far off halls,

and continued when it went.

The stomping never stopped,

as Hidan's eyes went wide.

His head darted around,

turning from side to side.

Then he looked at the little kitten,

and found that there were two.

Then three, then five, then seven, then eight,

till they were piled to the roof.

He turned around to run,

but as he swirled he hit a wall.

It was so soft and fuzzy,

made of little things so small.

He backed away from it slowly,

but he hit another block.

He then began to panic,

as he gazed upon the furry flock.

They meowed and purred with much delight,

as Hidan fled into another room.

For as Jashin-sama had predicted,

this was the time of his imminent doom.

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**Author's Note**

**Kittens are so cute. Too bad for Hidan. =^w^=**


	7. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Seventh in line, Sasori!!!

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**Sasori's Yellow**

There once was a puppet,

that lived in a cave.

The cave of Akatsuki,

where no one behaved.

Where attitudes were horrid,

and some manners repulsive.

Where rage spread like fire,

and actions were impulsive.

That didn't matter though,

for the puppet had a dream.

A dream to be noticed,

a dream to be seen.

To be eternally beautiful,

to be eternally perfect.

To have all gaze in wonder,

without a single defect.

For when he was human,

he was filled with remorse.

How did he become perfect?

Became a puppet of course.

That's just what he did,

he made himself into a puppet.

There was only one problem though,

he had mixed the paint buckets.

Now he was yellow,

yellow as the sun.

Yellow as a daisy,

and like a sweet honey buns.

Needless to say,

the Akatsuki thought it great.

Not Kisame though,

for he could relate.

Sasori's nose was bright,

and his cheeks were even brighter.

His wooden lips were shiny,

just like his wooden bitters.

Yellow, yellow, and yellow,

is all that he saw.

When he looked into the mirror,

his nails began to claw.

At the paint that was on his face,

and on his shiny lips.

He ripped away and the wooden cover,

that covered on his hips.

He pulled and cracked the wood,

that had been on his hands.

He chipped away at the pieces,

that had formed his security bands.

He scratched and bit at his hard skinned shell,

and let the pieces fall.

He heard the wood chips hit the floor,

and bounce against the wall.

Then he stopped the clawing,

the pulling and scratching too.

He looked at himself in the mirror,

.and then didn't know what to do.

He brought his hand to his face,

and felt softly skin, not lead.

Then as he began to realize it all,

this is what he said.

"No matter what I am,

no matter what I've heard.

I am still only a man,

in this cold and lonely world."

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**Author's Note**

**Poor Sasori. Well, this is a deeper meaninged poem if one can understand it. Please review...**


	8. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Eighth Akatsuki up, Kisame!!!

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**Kisame's New Friend**

Kisame was alone in his vast blue world,

only the sands beneath and waves above.

He would roam the seven seas in exploration,

for it was the ocean that he so truly loved.

His blue skin flashed against sunny shallows,

and he'd disappeared into the watery deep.

His hair flowing in the sweet, gentle currents,

or the feel of cool, caressing waters on his feet.

But even with all this wonder around his life,

Kisame could feel an emptiness deep inside.

When the sun set and he lay down to bed,

he couldn't sleep no matter how hard he tried.

It was like nothing he'd ever before known,

for he had always lived the way he did.

Alone and for himself with no one beside him,

for he hadn't a single friend since he was a kid.

He'd toss and he'd turn on his soft sandy mound,

unable to settle the dark feelings within him.

Then one night when still unable to sleep,

he swam to the surface on the tip of a whim.

Blackness surrounded him as he went for the surface,

soaring high above him like the white heaven's light.

Shining softly in its ever present glory and beauty,

and in its never ending wonder and absolute might.

He broke the surface and looked out to the moon,

not quite sure why he was so tempted to do so.

Then he heard a faint splash and a small whimper,

he looked to the sounds for either friend of foe.

A small flash of white water caught his eyes,

as it glistened so brightly in the moonlight.

He swam to the glimmers of shines carefully,

what he found though was quite as odd sight.

A small, black weasel in the wide open sea,

paddling and struggling to remain above water.

But behind the poor weasel was a more horrid sight,

a sight that could cause even the coldest heart to shatter.

A lone ship was aglow with the great burning flames,

as the sounds of desperate screaming pierced the night.

Kisame couldn't help for it was the sea's unspoken law,

that any sinking ship was of the great deep's right.

However, he could help the creature that had escaped,

the young, shivering weasel swimming towards him.

He swam to the little thing and let it climb up his shoulder,

allowing him to curl against his wet, spiky blue trim.

It snuggled its into his neck and Kisame felt the warmth,

that he had never before felt while in the deep sea.

It left him with a feeling of comfort and completeness,

something he quickly learned he very much liked to be.

Then the weasel looked up to him with large, midnight eyes,

and his small nose twitched as he sniffed at Kisame's hair.

It put its little paws to Kisame's cheek then and climbed up,

and though he could feel the claws on his scalp, it he bared.

Then the weasel made a nest on in the dark, blue spikes,

and it lay down, warm and safe atop Kisame's head.

Kisame smiled briefly as the little creature stretched,

for he didn't so much mind being the little thing's bed.

It rubbed his tiny face into Kisame's cheek one time,

then it drifted off to deep sleep with no need to defend.

After all was done, Kisame began his long trip to shore,

for he knew that was where he had to take his new friend.

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**Author's Note**

**SO CUTE!!! Kisame is so sweet in this poem. *Hugs* I happen to be a fan of Kisame's. ^.^ Did you pick up on anything about this poem? Please review...**


	9. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Ninth Akatsuki up, Zetsu!!!

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**Zetsu the Good Sons**

One with the earth and one with themselves,

the connection between the earth's creations.

Neither that of the soil or of the land or the air,

Zetsu's eyes watch on with few expectations.

That is what one would think at first glance,

as they watch the beginnings of life take root.

The sprouting of small blossoms on their arms,

at the thriving of wild grasses under each boot.

His hands touch the hardened soil and he frowns,

because he knows that the earth about him cries.

She shall forever scream out into his weary ears,

and he will silently watch her as she slowly dies.

The earth it dying,

the earth is crying,

and she is calling out his name.

All Zetsu can do is merge into the safety of her womb,

and caress her with a tender finger and a tender heart.

His poor mother,

his poor souls,

as the earth cries out to her sons.

She cries for deliverance.

It is in this that he will never be one with the people,

the ones who so destroy the mother of all their existences.

Though he will never put a stop to his mother's suffering,

for in the shadow of man's creations,

the mother can put up little resistance.

But Zetsu is alive in the cold world known as earth,

where the forests stand tall and the grasses sway in the breeze.

The mother is forgiving to her children, for she loves them all,

even as blood spills from her heart and she is forced to her knees.

She will keep the trees tall and the grasses lush and green,

the fruits sweet as honey and the cool mountain air fresh.

She will allow the sun to kiss lovingly at her aching body,

for that is what shall warm her children's softly flesh.

And as the mother begins to sway in her love,

and the once vast forests begin to die.

Zetsu will watch in expressionless indifference.

and with a lonely all knowing eye.

He has heard the crying of their mother for many years,

the screaming that has never once been heeded.

They accept her anger as her rage seeps into the core of her soul,

and she then takes all that was needed.

But that day has yet to come,

for there is so much to be done.

So Zetsu will return to the mother to caress her bleeding heart,

until her love is forever none,

for they are the good sons.

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**Author's Note**

**This one is much deeper than my other ones, don't you agree? Please review...  
**


	10. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Tenth Akatsuki up, Pein!**

**Pein's Day Out**

Pein is not a social fellow,

nor is he very conversational.

That is probably the reason why,

his day on the town was controversial.

You see it all started,

when he was walking down the hall.

Then suddenly out of nowhere,

he was thrown against a wall.

Then he was flung onto the roof,

and then he flew through the door.

Passed the tall forests and bushes,

and the lake's bottom floor.

He grabbed onto a tree,

but the thing broke clean in half.

He gripped onto a mighty rock,

but that too stood not a chance.

He was drug through the woods,

until he came upon a town.

Where he was thrown against the side of a truck,

which had all its windows down.

He groaned and cursed at his luck,

and tried to pull away.

But as so as he lifted his head,

KABOOM, what a day.

So all he could do was sit there,

with his head stuck to a truck.

And if that wasn't good enough,

his feet were stuck in muck.

Then a little boy came by,

and saw his troubled ways.

So he decided he'd play the hero,

you know, save the day.

So with Pein's permission,

and a quick heroic pose,

the boy pulled with all his might,

from his hair and to his toes.

But no matter how he pulled,

poor Pein would not budge,

and that is when the boy knew,

that they were in deep fudge.

So he went and got the butcher,

the baker and potter too.

He went and got the Plummer,

and the guy that knew kung-fu.

He went down to the orphanage,

and rallied all the kids.

He even got the mayor's dear wife,

and that is what he did.

He gathered all the townsfolk,

to help the poor old Pein.

So they pulled and pushed and yanked,

even as it began to rain.

But no, that Pein was stuck,

like glue to that piece of steel.

The force of it was so unbending,

it hardly seemed that real.

But than from the shadows,

came a woman with blue hair.

She was dressed in black attire,

and her skin was smooth and fair.

She walked up to the long trapped Pein,

and shook her head wearily.

She reached out to where his piercings were,

and gave a yank just barely.

And Pein fell to the ground,

and straight into the mud.

He heard dear Konan give a sigh,

and give the truck a little thud.

Then she gave Pein an annoyed stare,

and a glare as hard as lead.

Then she opened her mouth to speak,

and this is what she said.

"I hope you remember Pein,

that your Piercings are not made of lead.

So make sure you turn the magnetize OFF,

next time you go to bed."

And then she turned away from,

and left him all alone.

But he merely watched as she walked away,

sitting there as still as stone.

But that is the reason why,

to this very day,

he will not wear things made of steel,

and magnetized, to bed in any way.

**Author's Note**

**It's not my favorite, but it has its good points. I guess it's up to you all to decide what you thing of it. Please review…**


	11. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto...**

**Summary: Just a bunch of random poems on the Akatsuki. Eleventh Akatsuki to enter the field, Orochimaru!

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**Snake Skin**

One, two, three, four

Grab the edge and tug some more

Stretch it, stretch it pass the door

Pull and tug it to the floor

Five, six, seven, eight

Rip and tear and add some weight

Get some help from your teammate

Get it off before it's too late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Get some pliers from the shelves

Pull the bowstrings* from yourselves

Yank and pull like he himself

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen

All we have to slick is vixen

All the purple skin is ripping

Down the drain it is all dripping.

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty

Now you may think this is so funny

But,

Despite the wait and all your cunning.

Orochimaru,

Sasuke was still late Honey.

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**Author's Note**

***The purple waist bows Orochimaru and his followers wear.  
**

**This is most notably the shortest of all the poems, and unless you've watched the Naruto episodes, perhaps the most confusing. It's kinda funny if you understand it though. It is taking place when the sound ninja four go to retrieve Sasuke and Orochimaru's arms are peeling. LOL! Please review…**


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